The Alchemy Scale
by Illiamwa
Summary: Artemis, the 14 year old criminal, figures out Alchemy, the People's council gets greedy and wants the secret. Meanwhile the b'wa Kell have come back into power under a new leader, and the only way to save Juliet from the goblins, is to tell his secret
1. The Alchemy tests

Haven's courtroom.  
  
"We are here on account of a Mister Mulch Diggums." The white haired Elf judge said in a voice that seemed to say "I'd do anything to be away from here." "The crimes he has committed are." The judge looks at a flat screen computer on his podium, and his eyes widen. "Well, lets just say Mister Mulch has been busy. Now who will be defending this dwarf?"  
"I will," Said Arysia the small high voiced gnome.  
"Begin." Came the same droning voice.  
"In the fiascos Mulch has risked his life on several occasions to save the People." The gnome shuffled through her notes. Mulch Diggums, cuffed to his hoverboy chair, passed Arysia a note. She read it allowed, "Check the day Mulch was released."  
"Well that's absurd!" The judge said with a hint of excitement in his voice, as he frantically typed on his flat screen, to prove the gnome wrong. "Look right here," The judge said as she pressed a button and had his computer screen projected onto the wall. "It says that Mulch has never been." The judge read the projected computer screen. It read, Diggums, Mulch. Released May 12. The judge looked at the date on his watch. It was May 19.  
  
Fowl Manor.  
  
"Artemis?" Butler said as he appeared in a doorway. "What are you doing up? It's two in the morning."  
"Ahh, Butler." Artemis said as his eyes were glued to the computer screen. Pictures of gold and lead flashed across the screen. "Alchemy. The art of turning lead into lead."  
"Still onto gold are we?" Butler said with a smile. "We have millions of gold in the Fowl account from the oil mines you found in Franc when you were twelve."  
"Its not about the money," Artemis lied. "It's doing the impossible. It says here that magical warlocks used to be able to do the art of Alchemy." Artemis let out a soft chuckle. "Imagine that. Magical warlocks. What's next? Are there going to be magical fairies that live under ground?"  
  
* * * Under Ground Faire fortress.  
  
The council was having a meeting in the Peoples capital of Haven. They were still uptight about loosing all that gold three years ago. They had been working the miner-dwarfs harder than ever.  
"Gold," Stated Grumpo the only gnome member on the council. "What we need is more gold." Grumpo said as he sat down on his specially made hoverboy chair (Any other chair was too small).  
"Thanks for stating the obvious." Arcoid, a male elf said as he rolled his eyes. "We need to somehow get more gold. The mines are drying up, and stealing from humans was banned."  
"If only there were some Alchemy warlocks left." Thallect sighed.  
"Yes, alchemy would solve our problem. IF ONLY ALCHEMY WERE STILL POSSIBLE!" Arcoid said, angry with Thallect for once again bringing up alchemy. The metal door on the far end of the room burst open and Holly Short, Julius Root, and Foaly came running in panting for breath.  
"Council," Holly breathed.  
"Yes?" Arcoid said as he rubbed his head, looking down at the floor.  
"Artemis Fowl has figured out the secret to Alchemy!" Foaly blurted out. Arcoid's migraine went away immediately.  
  
Fowl Manor.  
  
Artemis sat propped over a metal table. A device invented by Artemis himself was lying atop the table. It was his Alchemy test number 107. In front of him was what looked like an old glass scale with two sides. A bundle of wires were connected to each one of the glass saucers, making occasional clicking noises. On one side of the scale was a square chunk of lead, and on the other was a square chunk of gold the same exact weight to the lead.  
"Here it goes." Artemis said not able to control the excitement in his voice. He and Butler were on the far side of the room incase this test subject exploded as test numbers 11, 35, 82, and 101 did. Butler and Artemis placed a pair of mirror sunglasses on his eyes, he found in his study, incase the light from the glass scale was powerful. As he put on the glasses, he remembered the contact lenses he found in his eyes a few months ago.  
"Ready?" Butler asked. Artemis nodded as he flicked a switch on the wall. Wires connected to various outlets in the walls, began to vibrate and hum softly as their power surged into the glass scale. As the power reached the glass scale, the lights and computers began to flicker, and then everything electrical, except for Artemis's new device, went out. The crystal glass began to glow, and soon let out a light powerful enough to blind, any persons in the room without mirrored glasses. Artemis bit his bottom lip as he saw the lead cube slowly turn into glimmering gold starting at the corner.  
With a humming noise, all the wires stopped sending power to the glass scale, and the electricity in the house turned back on, allowing Mrs. Fowl to finish making her mango smoothie. Butler walked over to the scale and picked up the small gold cube that was once lead.  
"I think you have successfully turned lead into gold." Butler said as he flung the gold coin into the air and caught it in his hand.  
"I think I just switched them." Artemis said with a frown on his face, as he picked up the original gold cube that was now just useless lead.  
"Looks like you're going to have another long night I presume." Butler said as he quickly rebooted Artemis's computer.  
"Unfornutally." Artemis said as he sat down on his swivel chair and began to type in the results of Test number 107. "Bring me a mug of coffee will you?" Artemis asked his manservant.  
"Of course."  
  
Shuttle Port.  
  
"Please explain to me again, what I am doing?" Holly asked as she strapped herself into a shuttle. Luckily, it was fairly new.  
"You are to see that mudman Artemis. Once you see him quickly mesmerize him, gather any information on Alchemy he might have, then give him a short term mind wipe." Commander Root said.  
"And explain to me again, why am I doing this?"  
"The council wants their gold, and that's that."  
"Whatever," Holly said as she closed the roof to the shuttle and quickly shot out of the Port going 200 miles over the speed limit. She flew down a rock tunnel, screens in front of her beeping, warning her of a magma flare coming up and minute. She threw on the throttle, determined to get to the surface as fast as possible. As the engine boosters met the melting magma, two things happened. First, the shuttle was thrown forward faster than a fairy bullet, and second the shuttle leaned back as if there were extra weight in the back of the craft. Foaly must have put in extra fuel, Holly though, making up an excuse for the weight behind the craft.  
  
* * *  
  
A large sprite with mussels the size of trolls, threw Mulch into the bustling street of Haven, having him land on his behind. "I don't know how you got out of here," The sprite said, "But I do know that if you ever come back in here I'll make sure that you don't get out."  
"Comforting," Mulch mumbled to himself as he hauled a hover cab. A neon yellow hover taxi pulled over on the side of the street, and Mulch sat in the front seat. "I need to get to the shuttle port, A.S.A.P." Mulch said to the taxi driver who was half gobbling half gnome.  
"You got it," The driver said in an unfamiliar accent, Mulch figured it to be a cross between stupidity and Polish. The taxi flew onto the sidewalk, and shot forward.  
"Shouldn't you stay on the road?" Mulch asked nervously as the taxi driver almost hit a faire for the umpteenth time.  
"Naw. There's traffic there. I'd be faster if we go on the side walk."  
"Right," Mulch said as he buckled his seatbelt.  
A few minutes later, the taxi reached the locked entrance to the shuttle port, in record time.  
"Here we are," The driver said.  
"Thanks," Mulch said as he passed the driver a gold coin he filched from the sprite that released him from jail. The coin was only worth 1/99 of the payment owed for the taxi ride, but the driver saw money suspecting it was the payment and drove off. Mulch stared at the 1000-watt fence. There were no way through. Diggums unhinged his jaw and firmly planted it into the soil. It was filled with toxic waste, but it would have to do. He quickly unbuttoned his back flap and dug into the ground quickly getting the poisons dirt out of his system. Seconds later he emerged from the ground next to a metallic shuttle. He was about to search for another shuttle that didn't already have an elf in it when he noticed just who the elf was.  
"Please explain to me again, what I am doing?" Captain Holly Short of the LEP recon asked.  
"You are to see that mudman Artemis. Once you see him quickly mesmerize him, gather any information on Alchemy he might have, then give him a short term mind wipe." Commander Root said. They were going to Artemis Fowl, the place Mulch needed to be. Mulch through the gold coin around his neck that was secretly concealing a small disk. Mulch slipped into the back of the shuttle, hidden in a jumble of wires.  
  
* * *  
  
The ride went well, except that the shuttle kept on leaning back. Holly decided to file a complaint. She landed her shuttle perfectly between a tourist shuttle, and a junky old shuttle that looked as if it were being held up by duck tape. She stepped out and turned on her helmet filters. She locked her shuttle and walked up to Tara.  
"Oh no," Mulch said to himself as he banged against the nuke-proof windows.  
  
Holly walked through a holographic cow, into a field with a scent of cow manure, and wheat. She quickly shielded, and started up her wings. After many weeks of begging Foaly, he finally made a new pair of wings that would outshine that pixie any day. This is true because that pixie that tried to destroy all of Haven was now rotting away in a dark cell with no light, only darkness. She voice activated the small oval shaped backpack on strapped onto her shoulders that were the size of a football. Two thing metal wings shot out of either side, like dragon wings, that fluttered so fast it was impossible to see. She flew up to an altitude of 1,000 feet, into the white fluffy clouds.  
"Foaly," Holly said as she began to fly forward towards Ireland.  
"Yes," Foaly's voice said in her ear.  
"Is there any air currents to bring me closer to Ireland?"  
"Um." Foaly the centaur said as he clicked his fingers on a keyboard. "Yeah. Here I'll program it into autopilot for you."  
"Thanks," Holly said as her wings whipped herself down and to the left. She was sucked in by a cylinder air current that shot her forward towards the man who kidnapped her when he was only 11.  
"So," Foaly said trying to start a conversation. "What do you think of this? Seeing Artemis again and all."  
"I hate it," Holly admitted. "Even though I did learn to like him in the end, he was a threat to the People, and I was hoping he'd be over with and gone with the mind wipe."  
"I see," Foaly said through a mouthful of carrots. "So do you remember what you're doing?"  
"Yup," Holly said as she saw the mountains of Ireland come into view. "I go in, quickly put him in the mesmer, get all the info I can on Alchemy, then do a short memory mind wipe."  
"Good."  
"But um, Foaly?"  
"Yeah,"  
"If he sees me won't all those old memories his mind filled in disappear and the old ones come back?"  
"Yes, but when I mind wiped him last year I recorded what I took out, and placed that memory in your mind wiper."  
"Here we are! "Holly said as she hovered over Fowl manor.  
"Yippee," Foaly snorted sarcastically. Holly hovered 5 feet above the ground, shielded at the doorstep. She sighed, and then pressed the doorbell button. The doorbell button itself, was considerably big, and felt squishy like a gel fingerprint scanner. Alarms suddenly went off in the house and a camera appeared atop the door. Holly unshielded for a second.  
"Remember me mudboy?" Holly said, unshielded at the doorstep, as she waved at the camera.  
  
* * *  
  
Artemis was sitting in his study, his face glued to the computer screen, when the alarms went off.  
"Unknown visitor!" The alarm said in a computer like voice. Artemis quickly wheeled his chair to the other side of the room where a large computer screen was. It showed a fingerprint that was as non-other Artemis had ever seen before. Its ridges seemed to go in swirls and in other odd designs. Artemis quickly typed "Video feed," in the computer. The screen flashed twice before showing the front steps. Artemis scanned where the video camera was pointing at but saw nothing except a small haze in the air.  
Then a figure appeared out of thin air. It was short with long pointy ears, chestnut brown skin, and auburn hair. "Remember me mudboy?" The short figure said. Mudboy. That was the word that brought everything back to Artemis. It hit him like a grenade; pieces of memory shooting back into his brain. He kidnapped that little person - Faire - three years ago. Her name was captain Holly Short of the LEP recon. There was the centaur, and kleptomaniac dwarf with the blue skin, and the magic - The acorn - The book. Artemis remembered everything, up to every letter in gnomish.  
"H-Holly?" Artemis stuttered, as he remembered she had mind wiped him. That's what the contact lenses were for! He had been trying to figure that out for months.  
"Yeah it's me, so let me in."  
"Butler," Artemis said over the manor's loudspeaker. "There's a guest at the door, please bring it - Please bring her in."  
"Yes Artemis," Butler said as he walked to the large manor door. Butler pushed open the door, and looked straight ahead. Nobody there.  
"Hello," The Eurasian man said as he stared into air.  
"Down here!" Came a voice that kicked him in his shin, sending 100 watts of electricity through his legs.  
"Oww!" Butler said as he grabbed his leg. He looked down to see a short figure with long pointy ears, and a round silver oval on her back. "What the. Are you some kind of circus thingy?" Butler said not even making full sentences. Artemis would severely punish him for that. No Gatorades for a week.  
"Let me in Butler or I'll shoot you with my Neutrino 2001." Holly said. "You look nice by the way. Much younger." Butler almost fainted. When he heard Neutrino 2001 mentioned, everything came back to him.  
"Take me to Artemis, please." Holly said a little fed up. Butler just stared at her as his memories flooded back into his brain. "Take me to Artemis now." Holly said using the mesmer.  
"Right this way," Butler said as he led Holly to Artemis's study.  
"Thank you," Holly said as she flew down the hallway. She reached Artemis's study, and placed herself in an antique chair with red and gold cushions.  
"Why Holly what a delight."  
"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Holly said as Butler sat in a chair next to Artemis, still a little dazed from the mesmer.  
"Now you somehow figured out how to do Alchemy, and the council wants gold. You can figure out the rest. Alright ready?"  
"Nope." Artemis said trying to buy time so he could reach for his mirrored sunglasses. Too late.  
"Too bad. Tell me everything you know about Alchemy." Holly said using the mesmer on Artemis.  
"Well it all started a few weeks ago." Artemis started as Holly flicked a recorder on, on her helmet before going to play solitaire on Artemis's computer.  
  
Four hours later.  
  
Holly had won 88 consecutive solitaire matches when Artemis was all done explaining.  
"Is that all?" Holly yawned.  
"Yes." Artemis said.  
"Okay, sorry I have to do this." Holly said as she held out a small metal orb. She placed it on a desk between Artemis and Butler. "Just watch the orb." Holly ordered Butler and Artemis to do, under the influence of the mesmer. The small metal orb exploded in silver light, causing all Artemis's faire related memories to fade away.  
Artemis and Butler fell asleep onto the ground, a common effect after being hit with a mind wipe.  
"Goodnight mudmen," Holly said as she shielded and flew out the window. 


	2. Trial and error

Mulch searched the whole shuttle for an exit, and found nothing. He did find some solar powered grenades however. He quickly held them up to the window before shoving them into a small crack he found in the back left of the shuttle, that a magma flare had made.  
  
"Sorry Holly," Mulch said as he pressed the button. The chrome walls bent up into the air, crushing pressure tubes, and air vents. Mulch wiped some ashes off his face before gathering up the solar power grenades; they were resalable. Artemis told him to stay quite for a few years, but he couldn't wait. He was going to him now. He held up the coin necklace/disk up to the sky before digging into the ground.  
  
Holly came back to her shuttle to find it completely disheveled. She had to take a tour bus back, and learn about all the 928383 different kinds of rocks that find themselves in the tunnels, not to mention the 3353 different kinds of magma, and how to say "magma" in 223 different languages.  
  
* * *  
  
Holly through her wings into a wing chute on the wall. The closed up wings would slide down the chute into the laboratory. She then quickly ran to Commander Root with her helmet and metallic green jumpsuit still on. When Holly walked into Commander Root's office, he was on the phone the blood vessel on his neck threatening to explode.  
  
"Look I don't care what you have to do, just do it!" Commander Root yelled into the phone before hanging up. "Please say you have good news." Root sighed, as he took a faire aspirin.  
  
"Depends." Holly said unsurely. "Who was that on the phone?"  
  
"Sergeant Lyliad. Unfortunately, the B'wa Kell escaped from Howlers peak."  
  
"What! How?" Holly said as she sat down in a chair and sighed.  
  
"Well somehow they got inside help, and with that help they overpowered the guards and escaped."  
  
"Well that's just great." Holly said sarcastically, a technique he picked up from Foaly.  
  
"What'd you learn about Artemis and Alchemy?" Root said changing the subject.  
  
"Four hours worth. Basically, Artemis hasn't figured out how to change lead into gold, but he figured out more than we have in decades."  
  
"Alright I'll tell the council. You meanwhile bring the recording to Foaly and see what says."  
  
"Alright." Holly said as she stood up and walked out the door.  
  
When Holly reached the laboratories Foaly put the recording and video footage on the large screen. The recording showed what Artemis had learned, and how his experiments have gone so far.  
  
"So what do you make of it?" Holly asked.  
  
"Well, he's sure gone farther than we have. He had great techniques in using technology for alchemy. I'm guessing that with a little bit of magic, and some of our faire technology we can finally break the secret of Alchemy."  
  
"So are we going to rebuild the scale?"  
  
"The what? Ooh the glass Alchemy scale. Well, yeah I guess so. I'd like to have Artemis's model however. So I will know what to do."  
  
"I'm guessing you want me to retrieve it."  
  
"You're the only one with permission into the manor." Foaly said with a shrug.  
  
"Shall I get in a shuttle?" Holly asked.  
  
"Yes, I'll buzz Julius so he can give you permission." Foaly retorted as he voice activated a buzz to Commander Root. Holly sat down on a hover chair while the two waiting for the commander. Foaly and Holly discussed the Howler's peak breakout.  
  
"So how do you expect we round them up?" Foaly said as he opened a sack of carrots.  
  
"That's the easy part. All we have to do is put up a sign that says 'Free Goblin Grub,' then we just shoot them with soft noses." Foaly chuckled at Holly's statement, but the truth was that it was true. Root suddenly walked into the room.  
  
"I wish you got the scale when you were there," Root sighed. "Two shuttle trips in one day are not cheap, you know."  
  
"I know." Holly said as she frowned.  
  
"We will also have to return the scale. Otherwise we'd be breaking the rules of the book."  
  
"Got it." Holly said before Root instructed her to take a shuttle to the surface for the second time in four hours. She strapped herself in and rocketed off decided to break the speed record, in getting to Tara.  
  
When she reached Fowl manor, she mesmerized Artemis from behind her so he never actually saw her, so she wouldn't have to mind wipe him.  
  
"Let me borrow that scale," Holly said using the mesmer. "But don't turn around." Artemis picked up the glass Alchemy scale and passed it behind his back. "Good mudman. Now forget what just happened, and for the next couple of hours, do a jigsaw puzzle and by the time you're done, I'll have your little glass thingy back. Aurevoir." Holly said as she darted out the window, still shielded.  
  
"Artemis," Butler said as he walked into the room seeing Artemis sprawled on the floor putting together a puzzle of the Monelisia. "What on earth are you doing?"  
  
"A puzzle, wanna help?" Artemis said under the influence of the mesmer.  
  
"Um. I'm going to go get you an Aspirin." Butler said as he ran out of the room. Mulch meanwhile sat outside the window, waiting for his moment to approach his new criminal partner.  
  
Haven.  
  
"Here you go Foaly," Holly said once she reached the laboratories.  
  
"Thanks. I'm going to rebuild this - more scientifically of course - then I will begin to improve one it."  
  
"I'm going to go soak in a large bath, with beetle salts. It's been a long day." Holly said as she went out of the room.  
  
Fowl Manor.  
  
Artemis sat sprawled over his jigsaw puzzle, almost halfway done. Mulch couldn't take it much longer, he threw a stone at the window getting Artemis's attention. Artemis walked over to the window and stared at the small blue hairy little creature, that was waving its' arms in the air, holding some small little coin.  
  
"What the heck?" Artemis said as he stared at the coin. It seemed familiar to him for some reason.  
  
"C'mon don't make me dig my way in!" Mulch complained as he applied some more sun lotion on.  
  
"Diggums," Artemis sighed as everything came back to him for the second time. Artemis quickly scrambled to open the window and let Mulch climb in, and the mesmer quickly went away for Artemis's brain was being hit with so much memory, Holly's mesmer couldn't hold.  
  
"Finally," Mulch sighed as he wiped some excess sun lotion on his arm, into the garbage can. "I was ready to fry out there."  
  
"." Artemis tried to say something, but the memories were coming back to him so fast he was getting a headache.  
  
"Anyway I say Holly mesmerize you. You should have gotten your mirrored glasses. Anyway why did she come in the first place?"  
  
"Alchemy," Artemis said as he remembered when Holly came just a few minutes ago and stole his scale. "I made an invention, and, and, she just took it."  
  
"Don't worry she'll give it back, otherwise she'd be breaking the book." Mulch said.  
  
"Well when she comes back with it I'm, taking away her initiation to my manor." Artemis said as he cleaned up his puzzle.  
  
"You'd better." Mulch said as he poured a glass of water from the desk onto his dry arm, spilling water all over the floor. "So alchemy huh? That's impressive, how'd you do it?"  
  
"I honestly don't know myself." Artemis admitted. "And I never actually completed alchemy, but I sure am close. I'm going to look for a partner on the Internet."  
  
"Have fun," Mulch said sarcastically as he licked his tombstone like teeth.  
  
"I'll need Butler in here, so we can strategize a way to get the People of out backs." Artemis pressed the intercom button for the manor. "Butler, or shall I say Domovoi, I need you up here immediately." Artemis heard footsteps quickly running up the stairs.  
  
"Artemis," Butler panted as he ran into the room; he had run from one side of the manor to the other in just minutes. "My name. How do you know it?"  
  
"Ah Domovoi," Artemis chuckled. "I'd like you to meet our little visitor." Mulch jumped out of his seat and held out his hand.  
  
"Nice ta see you again," Mulch said. Butlers gray eyes suddenly opened as wide as possible. He fell back into a chair as all his old memories came back to him. "Neutrino 2000." Butler muttered to himself as he remembered Holly's weapons.  
  
"Enough Flashbacks Butler," Artemis snapped. "Holly took my scale and she'll be back in an hour to return it. In the meantime I need you to put on your 'reading glasses' and scout the property. If you see and of the People, you know what to do." Butler nodded, remembering his reading glass that enables him to see fairies even if they're shielded. Butler left the room to strap some weapons onto his holster. Even though he was in no shape to physically harm the fairies, he could still shoot them better than any mudman.  
  
"Mulch hand me the disk," Artemis asked the dwarf, who was chewing on his antique bookcase. Mulch quickly handed Artemis the mini disk that was connected to the gold coin. Artemis placed the coin next to him and quickly finished his Internet help. He posted a message asking for help of an alchemist, or anybody who is well known with alchemy. The tryouts for Artemis's alchemist assistant would be tomorrow. After he x-ed off AOL 9.0 he put in the disk and began reading his old memories involving fairies.  
  
Haven.  
  
"Ta-da!" Foaly said as he placed his newest invention on Root's desk. It looked fairly like Artemis's glass scale, only more portable and sophisticated. Instead of having a jumble of wires running all around it, it was just the crystal scale, with a power surge in the base, and all the other computer chips and technology that helped inside with it.  
  
"Well does it work?" Root asked as he put Howlers peak on hold.  
  
"Does it work," Foaly mimicked, as he placed a gold coin on one side of the scale, and another lead disk on the other. He made sure they were even weight before flicking the on switch. The glass began to shine light rays in every direction as the gold coin and lead switched. "So," Foaly said with a smile as he showed the product to Root. "What do you think?"  
  
"I think it's pointless." Root said as he through the two coins into the air. "All you've done is switched the two matters. Like that'll really helps us."  
  
"It will! This is the farthest anybody's ever gone on alchemy. Its actually rather genius. The glass will have the power run through itself not letting any of it escape, and the scale makes-"  
  
"I don't care! Make it work, or the Council 'ill cut your salary." Root said as he beckoned Foaly to leave, before ordering some members of the LEP to gather up the B'wa Kell.  
  
The Auditions.  
  
Artemis sat at a metal table covered with a royal blue tablecloth, near the gate entrance to Foal Manor. There was a line of people of all shapes, and sizes going on for what seemed like miles. Everybody wanted to be the assistant of the Artemis Fowl II. An Indian man with an orange tunic was fist in line.  
  
"Hello," Artemis said to the man, sitting between Butler and Mulch who was in disguise.  
  
"Hello, I am Chicken-Taraockie." The man said as he sat in a plastic chair.  
  
"Hello, Chicken-Tarockie," Artemis said a little uneasy. "So what do you know of the art of alchemy?"  
  
"It's when you turn lead into gold."  
  
"Do you know anything else?"  
  
"Nope." Chicken-Tarockie said after a moment of thought.  
  
"Next!"  
  
"Hello, I am Jamie Martin," Said Jamie, a short man with hair so short he was almost bald.  
  
"Hello Jamie, what do you know about the art of Alchemy?" Artemis asked. Jamie began telling loads of facts about alchemy; Artemis didn't even know some. "Impressive," Artemis said cutting Jamie off. "So I have another question. Do you believe in ghosts or aliens?"  
  
"No of course not," Jamie laughed. "I'm not a physco."  
  
"What about elves or pixies, or centaurs?"  
  
"You're a funny one." Jamie laughed, almost choking on his own tongue.  
  
"What about dwarfs?" Artemis asked grinding his teeth.  
  
"That's even more ludicrous!" Jamie laughed, as Artemis was tempted to pull Mulch's coat off and prove this Mr. Martin wrong.  
  
"NEXT!"  
  
"Name," Butler asked the next person who was a frail old woman with many cloaks and shawls.  
  
"Madame Zarphia."  
  
"Occupation?"  
  
"A professional alchemist."  
  
"Really? Well give us a demonstration."  
  
'Okay," Madame Zarphia said as she stood up. "See this lead pipe in my hand?" The woman said as she held up what looked like a pipe taken of a toilet. "Watch it closely, as it changes. Ooh. LOOK A BIRDY!" The woman said pointing behind Butler, who continued to stare at the so-called alchemist. She quickly dropped the pipe behind her and held up a gold pipe. "Ooh magic!" The woman cackled thinking that the three people in front of her missed her switch of the lead and gold.  
  
"First of all," Artemis said as he walked over to Madame Zarphia. "You dropped the nickel, not lead, pipe behind you, and second," he said grabbing the gold pipe. "This is a toilet paper roll spray painted gold!"  
  
"So did I get the job?"  
  
"NEXT!"  
  
"Name," Butler said looking as young as ever, to the next person in line.  
  
"I am Tyron Shoelace," Tyron said.  
  
"So what do you know about alchemy?" Butler asked as Artemis read over the profiles of the other people in line.  
  
"Alchemy?" Tyron said confused. "Why would I have to know about that? This is the tryout for the football team ain't it?"  
  
"NEXT!"  
  
"Name?" Mulch asked under his long brown coat and hat.  
  
"Stu Pidassol." The old man with a cane said.  
  
"And how come you think you'd be right for this job?"  
  
"Because I can do this," the old man said as he reached into his mouth a pulled out a pair of fake teeth. "Ter-der!" The man said trying to say "ta-da."  
  
"NEXT!"  
  
"I can't believe it," Artemis said as he flipped through pages on a clipboard after all the applicants left. "291 applicants and not one is even the slightest qualified for the job." A young girl who was about four feet tall walked up to table.  
  
"Is this where you want somebody who knows about Alchemy?" The girl said.  
  
"Yes is your mommy trying out?" Artemis asked.  
  
"No!" The girl snapped. "I'm trying out."  
  
"But you're not old enough, you look about eight. Am I right?"  
  
"First of all I am fifteen, and second of all I know more about Alchemy than you ever will!" The girl snapped. Artemis took a good look at her. Even though she was uncommonly short she did have the right features of a fifteen year old. She had a giant smile filled with sparkling white teeth, sharp cheeks, emerald green eyes, freckles around her nose, and she had orange curly hair down to just below her shoulders. Then the girl put her hair behind her ear, and Artemis almost gasped. Her ears were pointy and a little longer than usual.  
  
"Are you staring at my ears?" The girl said hotly as she put her hands to her ears. "They're not deformed, okay!? They're just."  
  
"Don't pull your hair out I believe you." Artemis said in a soothing voice. "So on other notes, what do you know about Alchemy?"  
  
"I know that my grandmother was an alchemist, and that I have her journals in my room."  
  
"So when would you like to start?" Artemis asked with a grin on his face, which was happening more often lately.  
  
"I'm hired?"  
  
"Of course. Bring you're grandmothers journals here tomorrow at nine."  
  
"Alright. My names Isabel, by the way. Isabel Leonassa." Isabel said as she skipped out of the manors gates.  
  
"Why'd you hire her?" Mulch said with a cigar in his mouth. He tended to like human cigars more than the Peoples moss cigars.  
  
"Yes," Butler agreed. "She doesn't seem that capable, such a young woman. She could also be lying about her grandmother."  
  
"She's not lying because her grandmother was an elf. And she is ¼ faire." Artemis declared.  
  
"." Mulch's jaw dropped.  
  
"." Butlers jaw dropped. They were speechless.  
  
Wrestle Mania, United States of America.  
  
"And her comes the Jade princess!" An announcer called into a microphone, as Juliet, as the Jade Princess, ran into the ring wearing a tight teal leather top, and short shorts. She ran into the ring and held her braid into the air, which was held together by the jade hair tie.  
  
"And she will be challenging, the goblin myriad!" The announcer called as a bang of four short men, came out their body covered in green spandex, and their face hidden by green masks. "Let the battle begin!" The announcer said as he rung a large brass bell. Juliet was used to challenging more than one man. She was kicked out of the woman's league for breaking wrestlers bones. Well actually five of her bones, so she was now wrestling men and because she was so good she wrestled multiple men. She quickly spun around having her jade hair ring smack a goblin in the face, cracking the mask. She then jumped up and, using both feet, kicked each wrestler in the chest having them fly back a few feet.  
  
"Pity," Juliet said as she flung a goblin around her shoulder. "I was looking forward to a challenge." She picked up the two remaining goblins and clonked their heads together, when the third jumped onto her back.  
  
"Goodnight mudgirl," the goblin said as he injected a sleeping injection into her neck. "The B'wa Kell want to have a word with you."  
  
"Oh my," Juliet gasped, realizing what was happening, and remembering her past.  
  
"And the goblin myriad, is doing their victory dance around the stadium while carrying the loser, the Jade ring!" The announcer called. "Wait? Where are they going? Oh no, they're taking her out the door. COME BACK!" The announcer said more to himself than to the crowd. 


	3. Finding the facts

"Artemis why do you want gold so much?" Butler asked as Artemis waited in his study for Holly to come. He was already wearing his mirrored contact lenses.  
  
"Power is gold, and gold is Power." Artemis replied, as he reclined back in his chair.  
  
"So what are we going to do when Holly comes back?" Mulch asked in a muffled voice from inside the filing cabinet. Artemis shrugged; just seconds before a blur in the air came flying in through the window. Artemis quickly got back to his plan and began finishing the puzzle on his desk that he had set up only minutes before. It was a 10,000 piece jigsaw and he had done over 9,000 pieces in just minutes. Holly then unshielded.  
  
"Ah I see you've brought your body guard with you," Holly said as she stood on the desk and stared at Butler. "Now be a good bodyguard and fall asleep will you?" Holly said using the mesmer. "Also forgot what happened in the last three minutes. Nighty-night." Holly said as Butler pretended to slump out of his chair and fall asleep.  
  
"Now Artemis," Holly said as she placed the glass scale back on the shelf. "If you come up with anything more, tell us won't you?" Holly said as she stuck a small fingernail sized camera to the filing cabinet. The camera was paper thin, magnetic, and the same silver color of the cabinet. "Well, ready for the mind wipe?" Holly asked as she tossed the silver sphere to Artemis. It quickly exploded with light and Artemis fell off his chair, asleep. "Chow!" Holly said before shielding and flying out the window. Butler quickly stood up but edged across the wall not to be picked up by the camera. Just when he was about to "accidentally" knock off the magnet camera Mulch shot out of the filing cabinet, knocking the drawer with the camera onto the floor.  
  
"What'd I miss?" Mulch said as he wiped off some sticky notes that were inside the filing cabinet. Butler didn't answer, but cautiously picked up the drawer and saw the magnet camera crushed with sparks flying out. Butler picked up the dead spy camera and tossed it into the wastebasket.  
  
"What the?" Artemis said as he began to stir. "Augh my head hurts."  
  
"Holly flew in returned your scale, mind wiped you and put a spy cam behind you. Don't worry I disposed of it."  
  
"Of what Holly or the camera?" Artemis said as a joke more than a question.  
  
"The camera." Butler said as if he were answering a General in the army. Artemis inspected the scale before replacing it on the shelf.  
  
"Hey, when's that elf/girl coming in?" Mulch asked as he chewed on a clod of dirk from a nearby flowerpot. "Ugh! What are the mudpeople doing to this dirt?"  
  
"Its called fertilizer." Artemis said as he turned on his computer.  
  
"Fertilizer my-"  
  
"Anyway," Butler said making Mulch keep his cool. "Are we going to inform her of her elf blood?"  
  
"Not intentionally," Artemis said as he read an email from kind George. "We will find out if she knows, not too fast though, then we'll tell her." A phone quickly ringed, shaking the cradle.  
  
"Fowl manor, Butler, Artemis Fowl's secretary." Butler said as Artemis rolled his eyes. Domovoi Butler, on the phone, was Artemis's chef, personal assistant, gardener, caretaker, or maid. He never told them directly that he was his bodyguard. "Mmm-hmm. Yeah. Of course." Butler said into the phone. "What?" Butler said as Artemis saw Butler's grip tighten, and crack the chrome untraceable phone. Butler dropped the phone on the ground, fear in his eyes.  
  
"Buddy," Mulch Diggums coaxed.  
  
"Juliet. They have her."  
  
Redwood Forest, California.  
  
Juliet stirred and her eyelids began to flutter. She quickly tried to sit up but she was tied to something. Whatever it was it was rough and felt like moss. Her focus came into view, and she screamed at the top of her lungs, startling the two goblins that stood before her. They quickly dropped her jade hair ring in fright.  
  
"Let me go, you two blistering goblins!" Juliet said as she struggled to free herself from the ropes. These weren't ordinary ropes; she could break out of those. These must have been faire ropes.  
  
"Shh!" One goblin said as he picked at a wart. "Stop yelling, the tourists will here you!" The goblin said pointing to a bunch of tourists that were walking on a woodchip path. How stupid were these goblins? They had held her captive near a tourist path.  
  
"Make her shut up." The second goblin said as he attempted to climb the redwood tree she was tied to and failed. "I'll do it myself." The goblin said as he pulled out a needle from his bag. He injected the clear liquid into Juliet's jaw, freezing up her joints. She could only stand there and stare. "Ooh this is fun!" The goblin said as he injected the liquid between his head. He fell to the ground for the nerves in his brain were froze up and couldn't reach his legs.  
  
"Lets just get her inside." The other goblin pleaded, as he pulled a lever that was badly camoflaused on the side of the large twenty-feet thick trunk. A trap door behind Juliet opened and she fell backwards, flying down the dark pit.  
  
Fowl Manor.  
  
"Take me with you." Artemis pleaded. "With your heart and lung problem, you are in no condition to take on a team of wrestlers, who could beat Juliet, out of all people."  
  
"They are short wrestlers." Butler said as he polished his baldhead. "And even though I have a bullet inside me, I can still shoot better than anybody I know."  
  
"I sure hope so." Artemis sighed as he handed Butler his fancy black coat. "Do we know where they are?"  
  
"The car was traced to California and several tourists reported seeing Juliet near the redwood forest."  
  
"Don't get hurt."  
  
"You won't have to worry about that." Butler said with a wink. "Goodbye friend." Butler said as he opened the door to the manor, to his shiny black car.  
  
"Goodbye Domovoi." Artemis said as Butler closed the door and drove down the gravel driveway, only the noise of the gravel being shifted under the tires were heard. Artemis closed the door and stepped inside the empty home. His father and mother had recently redone their wedding vows, and were no in Jamaica on their second honeymoon. Artemis knew what he had to do. It was eight thirty and Isabel was coming in an hour. Artemis set up the scale on the table and went over his plan. He was going to talk to her about elves as they worked on the scale, and try to have her come up with the idea that her grandmother could possibly have been an elf.  
  
"The ears, the size, the alchemy." Artemis said to himself remembering all the things that proved that her grandmother was an elf. A series of bells rung through the manor; Artemis's new assistant was at the door. Artemis quickly walked to the large manor door that was lined with steel. Artemis looked down and saw the ¼ elf girl standing on the steps holding a red shoebox.  
  
"Where's that big guy?" Isabel asked implying Butler.  
  
"He's in America." Artemis said.  
  
"Really?" Isabel said with a smirk. "I thought you rich snobs never went anywhere without your bodyguard." Artemis clenched his teeth holding back from saying something back.  
  
"Are those her journals?" Artemis said as he pointed to the box.  
  
"Yup." Isabel said as she shoved Artemis aside and walked into the manor. "Nice digs you got here. I'd be pretty nice to crash here."  
  
"Lets get to my study shall we?" Artemis said as he walked up the carpeted stairs. They reached his study and Isabel dropped the red shoebox on the metal table next to the glass scale.  
  
"What's up with the scale?" Isabel asked.  
  
"Well in order to change the lead into gold, they need to have the same amount of protons, and this scale will measure the amount of protons in each."  
  
"Whatever."  
  
"Can I see the journals?"  
  
"You can see the outside of them." Isabel said as she opened the box and picked up one of the five journals. However these journals were each in a chrome rectangular case, that didn't have an opening. Artemis took the polished metal box from Isabel and began to examine it. It seemed to be enclosed on all sides.  
  
"So you've never actually read the journals?" Artemis asked, not a bit discouraged.  
  
"Nope." Isabel said as Artemis opened a drawer in his desk. He was still working to make a magnetic field to help the alchemy transformation. He pulled out a spare magnet and began to run it along the chrome case. He looked at where he ran the magnet along under a magnifying glass. At one corner of the chrome case he saw a little movement when the magnet went over it. A small pin sized piece of metal was raised slightly. A magnetic screw, all the fairies were using them. A few minutes later he had unscrewed four of the chrome-hidden screws.  
  
"You opened it!" Isabel squealed. Artemis lifted the lid and pulled out a small golden book. The fairy bible. "What is it?"  
  
"Nothing of importance." Artemis said as he passed the book to Isabel, who began to look at the gnomish symbols. He then opened up the second case and pulled out a red leather bound book. A few moments later he had all five-chrome cases opened. As it turns out she had passed these down to her granddaughter in hope of her finding out about her ancestry. One of the books was the fairy bible, the other was the journal in gnomish, the other the same journal translated into French, the other translated into English, the other translated into Spanish, and the fifth translated into Chinese. It seemed that her grandmother was going out on a reach for Isabel to "accidentally" figure out she was an elf.  
  
Isabel picked up the English copy and began reading, her eyes opened wide with each word.  
  
I am an elf. Was the first sentence in the book, and when Isabel read it she rubbed her pointy ears. Artemis meanwhile began to read the French copy, for the English copy was taken. He quickly skimmed through it until he found the part on Alchemy. He began to read. He learned mostly what he already knew, but he then learned the magic way of turning lead into gold. Instead of evening out the number of protons in each matter (usually taking protons away from gold, for it has the most) they inject just a few gold protons into the lead. The magnetic field makes the protons open, and leaved gaps as the move in the lead matter. With the high power surge and a magnetic field, the gold protons will infect the lead ones and turn gold. But the lead still had to be a certain weight as a gold nugget nearby, so the gold protons infected in the lead will know how to react.  
  
"I-I'm part elf." Isabel said interrupting Artemis's reading.  
  
"Of course. I knew that from the start."  
  
"So you know all about 'the People'?"  
  
"Met them, betrayed them, kidnapped them, and saved them. I've done it all."  
  
"This is too much." Isabel panted.  
  
"Well you better get used to it." Artemis said as he looked at drawings of an elf putting her hands over a chunk of lead as a small gap opened up, and melted gold fell from her fingers. Artemis then went to his desk and began to work out a new plan while using his glass scale (the glass was still a crucial part). "These journals were very helpful." Artemis handed.  
  
"You're welcome." Isabel said sarcastically getting back to her old attitude.  
  
"Thank-you." Artemis said, which was new to him. The concept of thanking other people beside himself was a whole new world to him. He quickly turned on his computer and began typing what he read in the journals.  
  
"So when do I come in?" Isabel said as she began to read more about Haven and the paper-thin computers. It was more like she was reading a fantasy novel, then an actual journal.  
  
"You can help me with the experiments. You can go home now and read the journals, and come here same time tomorrow."  
  
"Fine." Isabel said as she collected the golden bible and the English translation of the journal. She couldn't read Spanish, French, or Chinese so the others weren't important to her, but she still like the little golden book. She left the house in a hurry. Artemis just hoped that she wasn't like him, and tries to kidnap a faire or terrorize the People.  
  
California.  
  
Butler drove in his white rental jeep down the street, going 12 miles over the speed limit. He didn't care. He just had to get to his sister. He reached the national park and began to set up his base. He chose a tall tree that was about 150 feet in the air and had a thirty-foot thick trunk. He put all his weapons on a lower branch where he had nailed in his camoflause tent to the tree. He took out a pair of binoculars to scan the forest. At first everything seemed normal, a few birds, trees, a deer, and a green foot standing in the middle of the forest. He adjusted his binoculars to take a closer look. It was a scaled green foot that was just standing In the middle of the forest, walking. Then an arm appeared for just a second. Butler though he knew what he was seeing and took out one of his specialized guns. Artemis had made it basing it on the fairies fizzeis. The bullets in this gun were about the size of a small egg, and were packed with gallons of pressurized water. He aimed one just above the leg and fired. The glass water fizzie, hit something and knocked it backwards on its back. Butler quickly saw the fairy technology sheet that was covering the figure began to spark and become clear through. Butler quickly climbed down the tree to see what he had just shot.  
  
He picked off the sheet and saw the small green creature shaking on the ground. Butler picked the creature up by its leg, and called Artemis on his satellite phone.  
  
"Artemis?" Butler said into the phone. "Its Goblins. The B'wa Kell." Butler said as he looked at the patch on the goblins leather jacket. 


End file.
